Its Okay To Be Selfish

It’s Okay To Be Selfish

Being selfish means you love, protect and respect yourself.

Ladies Talking

In case of an air emergency put on your oxygen mask first!

If you don’t heal yourself first, you will bleed all over the people that come into your space.

But I can’t forget.

You should never forget what has happened to you if you do you won’t understand the pain of others. You will become hardened and emotionless.

But I can’t forgive.

You do not have to forgive the people that hurt you in order to heal yourself. 

Give yourself permission to forget about them for now, This is about YOU.

First, forgive yourself and say “okay I was hurt”, I know it .

You do not have to forgive the person (s) that hurt you. Often times the persons don’t feel they did anything wrong to you and don’t want you to feel they need forgiveness.

So please get over the seeming piousness of “I forgive them”. Forgive you for allowing ( provided you could help it) the abuse to continue once you recognized it.

Forgive you for not having the strength to leave right away.

Forgive you and say it’s “okay now, I got this”. You don’t owe the people that hurt you any consideration. Don’t try to save or help them see where they are wrong. They often already know or want to know who do you think you are to counsel them!

So perhaps now you are getting the point. Rehashing what they did and going over and over it again and again just embeds it deeper into your mind.

It makes a deeper and sometimes new pathways in your brain. So at some point, you visit sites that moves you on instead of rehashing every little abuse. We all have to Improve and move forward not backward.

I advocate prayer and getting a personal relationship with God. I can only at this point tell you what worked for me and for others.

There are many that feel you can’t study and read the Bible without being in a church or studying out of a series of books written by one man or reading magazines and books from one religious source. That is not true.

The Bible has 66 books that have messages in not only every sentence but every word and in Hebrew every letter,  dot, up under and between even in blank spaces! It’s unbelievable.

You won’t live long enough to completely understand everything in the Bible before the world passes away.

But you can try it!

 Matt 5:18: “I tell you the truth until heaven and earth disappear, not even the smallest detail of God’s law will disappear until its purpose is achieved.”

Why spend so much time thinking about what your former religion, spouse, friends are still doing within their structure. 

If you keep up with everything that is happening in your former abusive situation you will not heal.  It is like a cow that regurgitates their food over and over again to get every little nutrient from it.

You don’t want to be feed by your former abusers. You don’t want to ruminate and regurgitate up all the old and “New Light” teachings. 

It is okay to not go around a family that causes you mental harm. Surround yourself with those that don’t harm you. For now, make new friends that can stick closer than a brother sometimes. It hurts, but your family has abandoned you. You didn’t abandon them. They have rights also and one of them is not to be bothered with you if they feel it harms them.

Sobering isn’t it? So healing yourself is what you are left with.   

My what a wonderful journey that can be! You are now free to be SELFISH!

You can take care of you! Cry! Scream! Jump for Joy!

Get on your knees and Praise, Thank and Worship God!

Ask for His help and Jesus will take it to HIM and plead for you then receive and accept the help from the Holy Spirit! 

Enough said.

Ask questions here or just read the articles, comments and go to the bottom of the page to acquaint yourself with other’s ideas and acknowledgment that you were abused, others were too.

May God be with you.

PS: Please accept and remember everyone here is healing and their thoughts are what they see. Finally right or wrong they can say it without fear. 

Please read the Mission statement to understand our goal is to help by showing you that you have a voice, too.

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Let’s Talk About Post-Traumatic Stress Syndrome

Post Traumatic Stress-What is This??

I am drowning in despair!

Post-Traumatic-Stress is subjective. That means that it isn’t for anyone to decide what constitutes trauma except the person who has experienced it. An event that one person experiences as traumatic, another person might only experience as a tough time.

Post-Traumatic-Stress is often more acutely painful and much more difficult to recover from when the pain or suffering or loss has come about due to another human being’s choices or actions. There can be many reasons for this:

When your house is destroyed by an earthquake or a flood, it is sufficiently devastating and life-changing to leave a person traumatized. But if your house was burned down by another person, it is often even more disruptive to a person’s ability to heal because their ability to trust people has been greatly impaired. What causes this?

When there is an earthquake, we don’t usually believe that someone is out to do us harm. The earthquake isn’t attacking us personally, privately, invisibly. The earthquake isn’t still lurking just around the corner looking for another opportunity to try and hurt us again. When it comes to hurt resulting from another person’s choices and actions, we can’t quickly return to feeling the safety of predictability afterward. This resulting in fearful apprehension and distrust of others frequently interferes


 with one’s ability to seek and accept “help” from human beings afterward.

Even though a person might know that another earthquake could happen again, they don’t usually get trapped in the nightmare of thinking that maybe they did something to deserve the suffering they experienced. When it comes to suffering at the hands of another, not only does the “victim” naturally worry about the concept of deserve, but the perpetrator often exploits this ideation. Worse than that, untrained, insensitive, misguided, yet well-intended comments from non-involved persons often imply that the victim experienced their suffering due to some sort of negligence, fault or deficiency within them. This is often referred to as victim-blaming. Even a well-intentioned and perhaps appropriate question that simply asks a victim what they’re going to do to protect themselves in the future can imply that they didn’t do sufficient to protect themselves in the past.

But we don’t usually blame victims of a flood for their suffering and loss. Yet we often unwittingly do this when suffering and loss come through human means. Perhaps that’s partly because we see an attack by another human being as somewhat preventable and frequently provoked, whereas we don’t typically see an earthquake or flood as either preventable or able to provoke.

Moreover, when something like an earthquake or flood hits, you usually aren’t alone in your experience. When trauma comes from another human being, you’re often alone and isolated. The isolation often occurs partly because the painful experience is being visited upon a single individual or a select group of persons, and partly because the painfulness of the experience often goes unnoticed, unrecognized, or even outright denied after it’s been expressed. Secrecy and denial are often the very methods used by a perpetrator.

Lastly, while some suffering and loss occur as a result of deliberate and malicious intent, it can equally as painful — or even far more painful — when the suffering or loss occurs as a result of innocent and noble intentions. Sometimes a hurting individual’s pain can be painted over by the justifications of the well-meaning inflicter. In instances like this, the rescuer, or hero steals the spotlight, so to speak, and their actions — for better or for worse — receive the most focus, and the impact upon the victim gets almost completely ignored. So sometimes a person sits and suffers in silence, either by choice, or by resignation, and never gets a chance to have either their initial hurt nor any subsequent hurts acknowledged. And when hurting isn’t acknowledged, well, it’s rather like saying there really isn’t any hurt that one needs to heal from. So the hurting never really stops. And because it’s still an open wound, it’s not likely the wound or the person will ever heal.

What can we do that’s really helpful? Two strategies I usually employ are:

1) Don’t just DO something; Stand There!

That means I compassionately care with all my heart about the individual that’s in pain. I look bravely at their pain and give them my full attention, my full and total presence, my fullness of patience, and all the sensitive compassion I can. With all my heart and all my being, I simply listen to everything they are saying, verbally or non-verbally. I listen and I care. I focus on caring about HOW my caring is being experienced by the individual.

2) Ask them what they might find helpful.

Sometimes a person doesn’t know what they need, nor what might help. I am sometimes then prompted to ask them if they think maybe A or B might be helpful. And then I go back to step 1 again. I keep returning to step 1 again and again because this is how I communicate — often without words — that I care. Slowly, we work together to try to discern what they might find helpful, and then, if I am able, I try to provide it in a way that’s appreciated by them.

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